First dates are never easy. When you’re full of nerves, you behave in strange ways that really can only be explained as the “first date jitters”. Nobody knows that more than this woman from Bristol, England after her Tinder date ended with her stuck in a window frame whilst trying to retrieve her own poo. You really couldn’t make this up…
Liam Smyth was left stunned by the incident, but also penniless after he was quoted £300 to replace the broken window. So, he did what any rational person would, and launched a GoFundMe page to raise the funds. Little did he know that his extraordinary story would go viral and earn him not just money, but fame.
Is this the filthiest Tinder date to ever have occurred? Buckle up, this story is a serious ride…
Smyth, being the gentleman that he is, took his date to Nando’s – a popular chicken chain in the UK. They enjoyed a great evening together which prompted Smyth to invite the anonymous girl back to his house “for a bottle of wine and a scientology documentary.”
However, after about an hour of “Louis Theroux and chill”, his date excused herself to use the toilet. This is where things start to become a little sticky…
After a while, Smyth’s date returned with a look of sheer panic in her eyes. Concerned, Smyth listened whilst his date explained the cause of her stress. This is where things get outrageously interesting…
“I went for a poo in your toilet”, Smyth’s mortified date told him, before embarrassingly adding: “It would not flush. I don’t know why I did this, but I panicked”, she continued “I reached into the toilet bowl, wrapped it in tissue paper, and threw it out of the window”.
You may wonder why the panic stricken date decided to tell Smyth about the situation. Surely, she could run down to the garden and hide the offending object and act as if it never happened?! But, just when you thought the horrifying situation couldn’t get any worse, it does. Smyth’s bathroom window isn’t your conventional window:
“Unfortunately, owing to a design quirk of my house, the toilet window does not in fact open to the garden, but instead into a narrow gap of about a foot and a half, [separated] from the outside world by another (non-opening) double glazed window. It was into this twilight zone that my date had thrown her poo.”
In the darkness, his date had not realised that the window does not in fact lead into the garden. Meaning that, her faeces was now trapped in the small slither of a space between the two windows. To add insult to injury, the window does not open as a window should, making the rescue of her “offending package” almost impossible.
However, desperate to correct the situation, Smyth’s date took matters into her own hands and attempted a drastic rescue mission…
“Being an amateur gymnast, she was convinced that she could reach into the window and pull the poo out, using the tried-and-tested “inside out bag as glove” technique. Unfortunately she couldn’t reach,” Smyth writes comically on his GoFundMe page. But, that not ready to quit, Smyth’s date took it to the next level:
“Eventually I agreed to give her a boost up and into the window. She climbed in head first after her own turd, reached deeper into the window, bagged it up, and passed it out, over the top and back into the toilet from whence it came. She called out to me to help her climb out from the window, I grabbed her waist and I pulled. But she was stuck. Stuck fast. Try as we might, we could not remove her from the window.”
After 15 minutes attempting to remove his date from the window, a concerned Smyth saw no other option but to call the fire brigade to break his date out. Humorously, he explains:
“Bristol’s finest were on scene sirens blaring in a matter of minutes. Once they had composed themselves after surveying the scene in front of them, they set to work removing my date from the window using all of their special firemen hammers and tools. It took them about 15 minutes.”
Whilst his date was retrieved unharmed, Smyth’s window was shattered beyond repair, which presented a problem for the student: “Problem is, I’ve been quoted north of £300 to replace the window. As a postgraduate student, that is a significant chunk of my monthly budget (in fact, that is my monthly budget),” he wrote.
So, with the consent of his date, Smyth created a GoFundMe page to generate the much needed cash. “So I’m turning to the internet for help,” he wrote, adding: “If the window is not replaced my landlord may well kill me, so you would be literally helping to save a life.”
Luckily, the internet came to his aid. With the page quickly exceeding its £200 goal in a matter of hours. Despite pocketing a healthy sum, Smyth has promised to split any extra donations between two charities: Toilet Twinning, a charity that helps to build and maintain flushing toilets in developing countries and the rest to the firefighters charity, explaining:
“This call out was pretty funny, but they do risk their [lives] on a daily basis, and the firefighters charity provides financial, psychological and medical help to the brave men and women who risk their lives for us.”
Not simply satisfied with the bizarre story, the internet wanted more. Smyth’s GoFundMe page was inundated with questions regarding a second date between the pair. Many pleaded with Smyth to keep the relationship strong, whilst others couldn’t resist making jokes:
However, Smyth isn’t the only person to experience a bizzare Tinder date. Apparently, the world of online dating is more complicated than we originally thought. Don’t believe us? Here are some more Tinder dates that will have you wishing you swiped left…
If you’re in a relationship, stay in the relationship. If you’re single, stay single. Dating just isn’t worth the hassle.