Good sex takes a lot of open and clear communication. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither was a strong, intense and pleasurable orgasm. And while we all know it takes two to tango, it also takes two to create the perfect sex life that leaves both partners craving for more.
Generally, it’s a lot harder for women to orgasm than it is for men, and that may just be a sad fact of life that we have to accept. But then again, maybe not. If women are more open about what they do and don’t like, sex would be a whole lot more pleasurable for both parties.
Here are 20 NSFW secrets, as shared on Reddit, that women desperately want men to know.
1. Every good meal begins with a starter
“Never skimp on the foreplay. The build up is just as good as the finale.”
2. Orgasm shouldn’t be the main goal
“I’ve asked this of a lot of women IRL. The top two answers seem to be: 1) Sex isn’t all about the guy’s d*ck and 2) The goal isn’t an orgasm.”
3. The clitoris is a sensitive organ
“Please, for the love of god, don’t rub our clits like you’re trying to sand wood. More pressure doesn’t mean it feels better. Make sure to get more sensation on the actual clit, and to move it, more so than just pushing on it.”
4. It’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean
“D*ck size essentially doesn’t matter.”
A lot of women orgasm through clitoral stimulation rather than through penetration. So, never underestimate the power of clitoral stimulation during sexual intercourse.
You could be cramping your pelvic muscles if you spend too much of your day sitting at a desk. This could make it harder for you to orgasm in the future. If possible, find a spot where you can do stretches at least once an hour.
5. His penis doesn’t have to be hard the entire time
“News flash: you do not have to be hard the entire time for it to count as fun sex. Maybe you’ve been going down on me for a bit and your turgid friend isn’t receiving direct attention so he starts to droop a bit. Maybe you had an intrusive thought about your mother and your body involuntarily shuts down for a second. Maybe your body just got tired of providing all the blood to sustain a perfect raging hard on and it needs a bit of recovery time. There are other things we can do besides ensuring the constant stiffness of your penis. This is not the only point of sex.”
6. In the heat of the moment, don’t forget the condom
“I don’t want to have sex without a condom… being able to relax about STD’s and STI’s means I can enjoy sex.”
7. No profanities unless both partners find it sexy
“So many dudes have used degrading/insulting language without checking in with me first, because they heard it in porn and thought it was sexy. ‘Yeah you like that you little sl*t/b*tch/wh*re?’ well not anymore my dude. Just be nice to me unless I tell you otherwise!”
It goes without saying, but each and every vagina is very, very different, so something that is able to pleasure one woman might not pleasure another. That’s why communication is of the utmost importance.
8. The best sex involves communication
“It’s okay to ask if you’re not sure. Any woman worth having sex with isn’t going to kick you out for occasionally asking ‘Is this okay?’ or ‘Does this feel good?’ Obviously don’t check in like that every single time you move your hands/lips/d*ck, but if you start doing something and her reaction seems difficult to read or you feel a bit anxious about whether she’s enjoying it or not, then just ask.”
9. There’s no need to rush
“Give me some time to warm up and enjoy myself before it’s all d*ck all the time. Likewise, don’t go diving into panties super fast, either. The clothes will come off when I’m comfortable or you get me so horny I must strip.”
10. Just ask her yourself
“There’s no ‘one-size-fits-all’ (haha) thing all women like. Maybe foreplay, but that’s so general. I think listening to what women like and encouraging them to give feedback on things that feel good is the best advice for men who want to sexually please women.”
Also, never underestimate what water can do for your sexual prowess. The human body needs water to orgasm – for the arousal tissue to work it needs to be able to slide easily, and it can’t do that if your body is lacking fluid.
11. Start off slow and build it up
“Do not do the alphabet with your tongue.”
12. Warn her before going round the backdoor
“Don’t try to stick it in her butt by suprise. I’m a fan of anal, but catch me off guard and I will probs just call it quits. It’s a naive manouver and I haven’t met a single chick that’s hasn’t thought it was a turn-off.”
13. It goes both ways
“If you want enthusiasm when getting a BJ, know that we want the same when it comes to eating p*ssy.”
Women who find it difficult to orgasm with their partners should also try to masturbate more often. When women use their fantasies to orgasm during masturbation, they increase their potential to orgasm during sexual intercourse.
14. Women are also turned on when their partner moans
“Be vocal. I make a bit of noise myself, so it’s nice when a guy can let himself let loose too.”
15. Take the hint
“I had an ex who liked to bite and thought that ‘oww’ meant ‘more please’. When I asked him not to do it again, he was incredulous and kept telling me “but you liked it?!” Also, if I’m doing something, odds are I want you to do it back. I’m trying to help you here. At some point if you’re not getting the hint then I’m just going to lie here and wait for you to be done… an action which also shouldn’t be interpreted as you having blown my mind.”
16. Don’t f*ck it up
“If a woman is telling you that you’re in the right place or have the right rhythm I.e. ‘Yeah right there’ ‘yeah I like that’ don’t suddenly make a change. You are doing what I want/like, by changing you f*cking it up.”
Another reason why some people find it difficult to become aroused or to orgasm, is because they have a low level of oxytocin. Being tactile and affectionate with a partner has been scientifically proven to raise the level of oxytocin in your body making you more ready than ever for a steamy night.
17. Start soft and then step it up
“Neck kisses are super hot, especially when you kiss up and down and then whisper dirty talk in her ear.”
18. When you make your grand entrance
“Women do get sore after a day or two of sex so enter slowly if you’re gonna do it often!”
19. Don’t be lazy
“When you’re going down on a woman, you need to do it for several minutes, not just a few seconds.”
20. Reassure her that you find her sexy
“Tell me I’m hot/sexy/gorgeous. Tell me you want me. When it’s time to start the main event, tell me you have to have me, right now.”
While there are plenty of things that a parter can do to arouse their other half or to help them orgasm, everyone knows their own body better than anyone else on the planet. If something’s not working in the bedroom, they need to give their partner some gentle encouragement rather than remain silent and bitter.