Ever heard of the orgasm gap? I admit that I hadn’t. I thought it probably meant how women have much longer and better orgasms than men. I now know what the orgasm gap is and I’m about to tell you. The orgasm gap is the widely accepted difference between how many orgasms men have and how many orgasms women have in the boudoir.
If, like me, you’re an absolute legend between the sheets, you might not know what that difference is. I have heard that women sometimes don’t have 12 orgasms for every one a man has but I assumed it was some sort of sick joke. Imagine my shock when I learned that women, on average, have 30% of the amount of orgasms me have. Shocking stuff.
So why is this happening? We want answers! Reason one is that, physically, orgasming is harder for women. But there are more important reasons, ones that we can do something about. So get a placard and a megaphone and come down to the Houses of Parliament to protest about the fact that women have been taught to oppress their sexuality and become the objects of desire. They should, of course, be the subjects of desire but society has got into their psyche and prevented women from feeling worthy of pleasure. As a member of society, I feel pretty bad about this one, as I’m sure do the owners of Zoo, Nuts, Playboy and all pornography. They aren’t seeing the long term damages they’re causing. Selfish bastards.
Nicki Minaj, kind of interesting sex symbol and top feminist, said in an interview with Cosmo that she doesn’t expect orgasms, she demands them. And good for her. I would find Nicki Minaj demanding an orgasm of me quite the turn on although the lyrics of anaconda do make me feel slightly inadequate. Shit, that’s how women feel when men sing about perfect bodies. Big moment for me there. Let’s not objectify each other, guys.
Nicki Minaj deserves to feel good during sex, I deserve to feel good during sex, we all deserve to feel good during sex. Are we starting a revolution here? I’m kind of feeling something.
But the plot thickens further. Some women (none I’ve ever met, obviously) have NEVER orgasmed. Obviously it’s not because there’s something wrong with them, it is, studies suggest, because they don’t know their sexual worth. They need to get all Beyonce/Minaj up in the bedroom with their man/woman.
But there is light at the end of the tunnel! SKYN condoms have produced a brand spanking (guilty) new survey that shows we millennial are finally closing the orgasm gap.
In a survey that received over 5,000 responses from 18-30 year olds, they made several back-slapping discoveries. 89% of women said they had experienced an orgasm. Encouragingly, sex toys and lube use are on the up. People love to throw a bit of strawberry flavoured durex all over themselves, even though it ruins your sheets and makes you sticky and that is a great thing.
People are also losing their virginity earlier. Unless, despite anonymity, people were trying to be cool, it is now the case that 83% of people had lost their virginity by 18. Unsurprisingly, men love doggy while boring old sexually repressed women (joking! Sort of) love missionary. A hilarious 57% of us engage in sexting and, despite the fappening, 49% of us have sent nude pics which is great news, because who doesn’t love a cheeky pic?
Then there were some boring stats about condom use but they missed out the stat that 100% of people who use condoms are losers so it’s all irrelevant.
Top three celebrity crushes for women? Adam Levine, Chris Hemsworth and Ryan Gosling. Top three for men? Megan Fox, Scarlett Johansson and Emma Watson.
We also love to make the most of the big days. 79% have had sex on their birthday. 73% on Valentines day.
Here’s a great infographic…
Well done everyone. Turns out we’re getting better at sex. Big round of applause. I’m off to let my girlfriend know that she has even more sexual value than she thought she did. We’ll be breaking records by the late AM. Good night. Sleep tight.