Man Gives Worst Excuse In History For Cheating On His Girlfriend

Okay, so here's the story: Bella's broke up with her boyfriend because he received oral sex from another girl. Pretty cut and dry, right? Not so, if you're said cheating boyfriend. Bella's ex tried to explain his side of the story, but rather than admitting he'd had a lapse in judgement, he instead started to explain that he hadn't cheated in the first place.

Oh, you can just tell this is going to be good. How ever will he explain this misunderstanding? Did someone trip and fall into his lap and inexplicably unzipped pants? Did a poisonous snake bite him in the manhood, leaving him no option but to recruit someone to suck the poison out for fear of painful death?

Well, that's a good start. Someone comes over, offers him some oral action, but Bella's boyfriend steadfastly and stoically reiterates his commitment to Bella. It's at this point that Bella's ex starts to get creative... and the situation quickly escalates.

If you've seen the movie the Butterfly Effect, you'll be familiar with the concept that every decision we make and action we take has the potential to change the reality around us, like a domino effect of cause and effect. Bella's ex-boyfriend's tale only makes slightly more sense in practice.

A woman dead, a family torn apart by incarceration, resorting to street violence to accommodate for the tragic loss of their father figure... when you think about it, it's really just a selfless act by Bella's ex here to prevent multiple levels of tragedy. In fact, would it be too farfetched to consider him a hero?

Satisfied with his explanation, Bella's ex graciously forgives her for allowing her jealousy to get in the way of curing cancer, as well as his noble heroism. Like Peter Parker rejecting Mary Jane at the end of 2002's Spider-Man, sometimes we have to hurt the ones we love in order to protect the city. With great power comes great responsibility and all that.

Unsurprisingly, Bella didn't buy any of it, but it made for a very good Twitter story; Bella's post was retweeted a whopping 82,000 times, and it's a great example of the lengths some people will go to cover their tracks. I hope you or I won't have to deal with the pain of infidelity any time soon, but if that tragic event unfolds, I hope your significant other has a story this entertaining.

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