Guy Finds Shocking List Of Relationship Rules In Old Car, And They’re Totally Absurd

Controlling partners are the worst. They have the power to make you doubt your own reality, and replace it with their twisted expectations. It’s an abusive situation that blurs the line between yourself and another person, and can be extremely disorienting.

Stockholm Syndrome emerges when people refuse to leave these types of relationships. But this Twitter user, Kale Keyes, isn’t in an abusive relationship. He just bought a used car and found a document written by an unknown woman to her boyfriend in one of the seats. Let’s have a look, shall we?

With a fine-point comb, we can unearth the tombs and murk of one woman’s strange expectations.

1. “You are NOT to have a single girls phone number”

The lack of punctuation is kind of funny here. A single girl, as in a girl who is single, or literally just any girl? As this list goes on, neither would surprise me.

2. “You are NOT to follow them on any social media”

Like, literally anyone? Even a journalist? An author? Okay.

3. “You are NOT to hang out with Keegan”

Oh yeah, to hell with Keegan.

4. “You are NOT to go to Honda without me”

Well, seeing as he sold his car, he probably already did.

5. “You are NOT to hang out with your friends more than two times a week”

Alright dude, you can call the cops at this point.

6. “You’re NOT to look at a single girl”

It’s just stupid now.

7. “If girls come up to you at any place or any time you are to WALK away”

The one capitalized word in every line is really annoying. Reads like a shitty HR person.

8. “Mo is to NOT hang out with us every time we hang out”

Hey, the first reasonable one. It’s okay to want some alone time with your partner.

9. “You are NOT to ask for head”

Okay, scratch that, throw it to the flames.

10. “You are NOT to get mad at me about a single thing ever again”

Is this written by a six-year-old? The woman’s a sociopath.

I’m gonna skip a few of these because they’re repetitive and annoying. Whoever wrote this should probably be on the FBI watch list. I can picture her trying to make bombs on her stove like the Unabomber, mailing them to celebrities who never answer her creepy letters.

11. “If we move in together your friends will RARELY be allowed over”

What, less than twice a week? So basically never, eh?

12. “If I catch you around girls I kill you (:”

Like, actually though.

13. “If I say jump you say how high princess xoxo”

Ugh, disgusting, this ‘princess’ crap has got to stop. I don’t know who started it, but please end it.

14. “You are to NEVER take more than 10 mins to text me back”

Or else he gets the guillotine, sure, makes sense.

I hope this is a prank, but knowing the world we live in it’s probably real. It’s all marked-up and covered in notes and stuff, which for me is a sign of true authenticity. In real terms it’s pretty bad; whoever wrote this is either one bad day away from going postal, or grew up in a cave for twenty years and is insanely possessive as a result of not understanding humanity at any level.

Let’s just hope that whoever owned the car previously got rid of his relationship when he got rid of this letter.

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