A relationship that is physically, emotionally, sexually, or economically abusive can be unfathomably difficult to get out of. A victim of domestic abuse may have friends or family who say “why don’t you just leave?”, but it is rarely that simple. That is why one woman who escaped an abusive relationship has shared her story online, hoping that those who are currently victims of domestic abuse may read it and find the strength they need to do the same.
The woman, under the username KrissyKross, posted screenshots on Imgur of some of the many texts she received from her ex-husband, who had become controlling and abusive toward the end of their marriage. She says that had been “a kind, loving man” until she lost a large amount of weight and got a job, and he began accusing her of having an affair with a colleague, Tony. From then on, her ex-husband began physically, emotionally, and sexually abusing her.
KrissyKross says that a string of texts like the one below is “a good example” of the types of messages she would receive while at work, when she was not allowed to be on her phone. Her ex-husband’s controlling nature is noticeable, showing the first signs of future abuse.
Her ex-husband consistently accused of cheating with Tony, a notion that she says he had no reason to believe. When in a fight he turned the blame on her, as is common in abusive relationships, saying “you always provoke me”.
When things at home became unsafe, she decided to stay the night with a friend. She then received these texts from her then-husband, who had apparently “set traps” to see if she came home. In the midst of berating her, he texted, “I love you”, confusing the lines between love and abuse.
When KrissyKross was visiting her mother, she had a bruise on her arm from where her husband had bit her. “The bruise was so bad it hung around for almost a month.” Apparently when her mother saw it, she thought nothing of it, and even made a joke about her husband abusing her, clearly not knowing what was actually going on.
While at her mothers, her husband repeatedly asked her to prove where she was. “I had to call him at midnight every night I was with my mother. Assuming it was because he wanted to make sure I wasn’t out being drunk and doing nefarious things during the evening.” Along with the calls, he would ask for specific selfies to prove her whereabouts.
KrissyKross went on to detail the abuse she endured:
“He hit me and sexually assaulted me. He waited outside my work for whole shifts, not telling me if he was carrying the Beretta M9 he had purchased recently. I wanted to go out with two (female) coworkers for my 23rd birthday. I told him weeks in advance and when the time came he punched me in the face and slammed my head into the floor, only leaving me alone because he had duty that evening. I tried to talk to his parents and they told me it was normal in a young marriage and I should reassure him.”
After one unsuccessful trip to the police, with her husband tailgating her the whole way, she says she “finally got the guts to leave when he hurt [her] dog and kitten”. While her husband was at work, she packed her bags, hid at a coworker’s house, and called NCIS and the police.
“I spent hours getting bruises photographed, giving my statement, waiting while they put him on restriction. I saw him only a handful of times after, all in court.” Her now ex-husband pleaded guilty to “a handful of misdemeanors and two felonies”, and she hasn’t seen him in the three years that have passed since their last court appearance.
“This isn’t really a sob story,” she says in her post. “I’m really proud of what I’ve done on my own. I just wanted to share for possibly some closure since I never really got that. Strangers on the internet are better than keeping it inside for so long. I save these text messages to remind myself how far I’ve come, not to cry over.”