Dating is hard. If we weren’t so dependent on connection or if the survival of the human race didn’t depend on us getting together and starting families, I’m sure we would’ve given up on it a long time ago. For quite a few of us nowadays, finding that special someone to cuddle up with at night comes by way of Tinder or other dating apps. We can also go out to bars and clubs on the weekend, while others can find relationships by way of work or mutual friends.
The thing with all of those options, though, is that they take not only time and dedication, but also patience, as we wait for the right one to come along. Couldn’t we just put out an advert somewhere saying exactly who we are and asking for exactly what we want, like in that Rupert Holmes song, Escape? That’s what Craigslist is for, and ahead of the solar eclipse later this month, one man is looking for something very, very specific.
On Monday August 21, we’ll be able to witness a quite beautiful natural phenomena. It’ll be at least partly visible in all parts of the world, but if you’re living in certain parts of America, you’ll get a front row seat to the solar eclipse, where the Sun will be blocked out by the Moon for a short period of time.
The last time this happened was in June 1918, so unsurprisingly, American residents across the country will be looking for ways to make the day special. Some might decide to spend the rare occurrence with someone special or doing some kind of special activity to commemorate the phenomenon. One gentleman has both of those things in mind.
Described as a 40-year-old “Caucasian male from Europe” with “strong and pure” heritage in an ad that has tragically since been deleted, this guy is looking for a lovely woman with which to “conceive child during totality eclipse in OR”. He’s looking for a woman with “strong genes, beauty and smarts”, and has a pretty strong idea of how he’d like the act to go down… provided the chemistry is right.
“When totality occurs, we will have simultaneous orgasms and we will conceive a child that will be on the next level of human evolution. We will make love together, with me and my penis directed towards the sun. Everything will be aligned in the local universe. Both of our cosmic orgasmic energy will be aligned with the planets. In a brief moment of ecstasy, we will understand everything, and together, create a new universe.”
Uh… right. If you know what you’re looking for, it’s one way to get exactly what you’re looking for, I guess. If you’re also looking to have a baby that will be on the next level of human evolution, then why not get in touch with this guy? You’d probably have to hurry up, though; you’ve got about 10 days before the moment’s gone, and you’re going to have to settle for having regular babies that are just on the same level of human evolution. Ew. Who wants that?