A Definitive List Of Excuses Men Give When They’re Cheating

Let’s be honest here. Some men can be absolute jerks. If you’ve ever been cheated on then you know what I’m talking about.

Personally, my ex pulled out all the stops to try and hide his secret side piece. There was lying, gaslighting, and every excuse in the book before he finally pulled the plug by telling me he was moving in with her… via text… on my birthday. Yeah, I’m serious.

At the time, I was heartbroken and probably let a lot of things go that I shouldn’t have, but today I’ve learned a lot and became a much stronger person. He, on the other hand, has now lost all his friends, is long-term unemployed, and drinks way more than he should to cover up how unhappy he is.

These days I just feel kind of sorry for him and I wish him all the best. He needs it.

Meanwhile, if you’re still at the stage where you think something fishy is going on with your partner but you’re not sure, then you’ve definitely got to read this list of commonly used excuses and cheating cover-ups. Don’t let a cheating dog lie, you deserve way better!

1. “I’m working late.”

If he’s working late a lot or suddenly has business trips away, chances are he’s seeing someone else. This happened to me except the excuse was “I have to help my parents out with the garden”, but unless his parents owned a secret 150-acre beet farm, he was cheating. And he was.

Want to know a way to check? If he’s gone away, call the hotel or location to confirm or casually mention to a coworker or mutual friend about his trip away. Proceed with caution, though! If he is telling the truth, you may seriously be risking breaking his trust.

Check out these people who go sweet revenge on their exes:

2. “I’m going to the gym.”

Some guys like to work out on the regular, and it is a great way to burn off stress, so maybe he’s just on a health kick or trying to work off worries about work. Of course, if his physique is getting worse and he’s putting on cologne to lift weights, something’s up.

Give his gym bag a sniff when he gets home to see if he’s actually been breaking a sweat, or perhaps just mention you don’t think his current workout is showing results and suggest to go with him next time for support. See if he squirms.

3. “I’m sick, can we postpone?”

This one only works if you don’t live together, but if he refuses a visit with homemade chicken soup then maybe you need to be concerned. Check his social media to see if he checks in anywhere. Also, message apps like Facebook and Whatsapp timestamp when someone’s been online last.

While using social media isn’t a dead giveaway, it sure puts up some red flags about why he’s talking to someone else when he refuses to talk to you.

Again, another word of warning on this one. An ex of mine used this excuse a lot when he was battling depression and anxiety and didn’t want anyone to know. Tred carefully. Things aren’t always what they seem.

4. “You’re being paranoid!”

Ah, gaslighting! It seems to be a man’s most favorite kind of manipulation. If this happens I don’t have good news. This tactic is honestly a form of abuse and should not be tolerated.

Lisa Helfend Meyer, a Certified Specialist in Family Law says, “If you are suspicious that your partner is having an affair, they probably are unless you’ve been diagnosed as paranoid. Trust your instincts and confront your partner directly.”

5.“We were on a break, so it doesn’t count.”

Everyone remembers that famous episode of friends when Ross sleeps with another woman while he and Rachel were “on a break”. Well, it turns out the confusion the two had in the television series happens in real life as well.

Break or no break, it is extremely important to decide whether or not the two of you are exclusive. It should never be assumed one way or the other. Both parties have to share blame here.

6. “It was an accident. It didn’t mean anything.”

Oh honey, no. An accident is when you spill a glass of milk or step in dog poo on the sidewalk. Sleeping with another person is never an accident. Seriously, did his d*** just accidentally fall directly into her vagina, and then back out and in again multiple times until orgasm?

Yeah. No. I didn’t think so.

Also the “didn’t mean anything” part is frankly very insulting and does mean something: total disrespect for your feelings and relationship.

Kick this jerk to the curb. Maybe kick him in the balls, too.

7. “I was drunk and it just happened.”

This guy also gets a kick in the balls and a shove out the door. Drinking alcohol doesn’t erase his memory of you, and while being drunk can cause one to lose a little self-control in the heat of the moment, a moment does not include flirting, kissing, picking someone up, taking a taxi home, getting undressed, into bed, and engaging in intercourse.

Frankly, I don’t know how this man can look himself in the mirror in the morning. He’s a self-centered, worthless piece of crap, and you deserve a heck of a lot better.

8. “They came on to me.”

When a guy uses this one, it speaks volumes about his character and the fact that he’s, unfortunately, missing half his brain. THIS IS NOT AN EXCUSE! It is so wildly disrespectful I’m actually getting angry on behalf of all the women who have had to hear it.

He doesn’t have to stick his dick in everyone that flirts with him. He could have said, “Sorry, I’m seeing someone,” but no. Instead, he decided to be a colossal waste of a human being. He should be embarrassed to even show his face in the world.

Although it’s always difficult to find out your partner has cheated on you, remember: It’s never your fault. Even in the most unstable relationships, at the very least, he could have had the balls to break up with you first before seeking out other women.

Cheating, whether it’s physical or emotional, is not okay. It’s disrespectful and a downright cruel thing to do. It really shows just how cold and uncaring some people can be, and trust me, those people always get their comeuppance.

As hard as it may be, try to just walk away and take the high road. Revenge isn’t necessary because karma is swift and you best believe it’s on its way to kick that motherf****r right in the d***!

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