Christmas is tough for me. Why? Well, a year and a half ago I decided to jump on the (meat free) gravy train and try my hand at the vegan life. As you can imagine, telling my family I was going vegan was a serious challenge. There were constant questions about calcium and B12 from people who I can independently verify have eaten nothing but McDonald’s since 1992.
With all this in mind, it makes sense that Christmas has become one of the most interesting social experiments on a vegan’s calendar. With such a strong focus on food, coupled with various outspoken elderly relatives, it’s always an interesting event. So, just in case you’ve been wondering how the other 0.5 per cent live, here are nine things that go through a vegan’s head at Christmas.
1. Stuffing is life
Most shop bought brands of stuffing are vegan. I’m not ashamed to admit that more than one drunken Christmas eve has ended with the consumption of a whole bowl of it. I have no shame.
2. Are vegan Yorkshire puddings a thing?
I’ve never been able to perfect the vegan Yorkshire pudding. This is one of my greatest weaknesses.
3. I must purchase my body weight in vegan cheese
Vegan cheese is life. And no, you can’t have any. It’s mine.
4. I will die if I eat any more dark chocolate
For some reason, dark chocolate isn’t quite as addictive as its milky counterparts. I see this as a good thing, because really, who needs to eat any more calories than they already do at Christmas?
5. What can I put in puff pastry next?
Ever since I found out that my favourite brand of ready-made puff pastry is vegan, I’ve been puffing all over the place. Sausage rolls, cinnamon swirls, mince pies… you name it, I’ve covered it in pastry and baked it. Christmas is the perfect time to impress the relatives with your newfound pastry skills.
For even more internal struggles of those with an enlightened diet, flick to page two.
6. Is there goose fat in this roast potato/Brussels sprout/Christmas cake/glass of water?
For some reason, my family love covering everything vaguely Christmas-related in gallons of goose fat. Mmm, delicious.
7. Who is going to question me about my life choices next?
Christmas always brings up the question: “When are you going to be over this vegan thing, then?
8. How many roast potatoes can I eat in one sitting?
Roast potatoes are 100 times better than mashed potatoes. That is all I have to say on the matter.
9. WHERE IS THE VEGAN BAILEYS?
I have heard rumours of a vegan Baileys, but no stores in a ten mile radius appear to be carrying it. When will the torture end?!
Now, if you’ve been meaning to give veganism a try but you can’t quite make the leap, perhaps this PETA ad will help persuade you to finally moo-ve on from cow’s milk?