There are plenty of people who inconvenience us on a daily basis, and the worst thing is, they don’t even realize they’re doing it. And all the while, the rest of us have to continue to be polite, take all their sh*t on the chin and turn the other cheek.
Well I’m tired of it, and I know there are millions of other people who feel the same. So what am I going to do about it? Well… nothing. Just complain about it on the internet.
Here are 30 low-key crimes against humanity that need to be made illegal:
1. When you smell a waft of cheese coming from behind you
It’s bad enough that she’s resting her feet on his armrest, but then she has the nerve to take off her socks?!
2. Raw shrimp and coffee anyone?
There are too many lazy a**holes at the grocery store.
3. The worst kind of a**hole at the grocery store
Why do these people insist on leaving their sh*t in the middle of the aisle?!
4. Just when it was getting juicy
Thanks man, we’ll never know which lucky person went “unpoliced by God now”.
Now call me unreasonable, but I think thoughtlessly inconveniencing members of the public, deliberate or not, should be an actual crime. Am I right?
Roommates are some of the worst culprits. Especially those who grew up in lax households. They’ll bring their lack of discipline into the house, and not even my passive aggressive notes will tame them.
5. Poor bathroom habits
If you’re able to get yourself to the bathroom, pull down your underpants and flush, then you’re certainly able to throw the empty roll in the trash.
6. Which moron left their bike there?
Probably the same lazy moron who can’t be bothered to throw away an empty toilet roll.
7. I get that they’re trying to be inventive and rake in extra money…
But if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.
8. Life’s a b*tch
So, when I buy a bag of chips from a vending machine only one comes out, but the person behind me gets three all in one transaction?!
Of course in no modern society would we lock people up simply for doing senseless things that annoy the hell out of their fellow human beings. Still, a girl can dream…
In all fairness, it’s not just people who annoy me. Pets can often trump people on that front. Personally, I see dogs as man’s worst enemy. As for cats, well they can go f*** themselves.
9. What in the name of foolishness?!
Why would anyone list the months of the year in alphabetical order?
10. The worst kind of iPhone wallpaper
I feel like a cartoon character who’s hit their head. But instead of stars flying round, I’m seeing apps. Countless apps…
11. Why waste a perfectly good cookie?
No one is going to eat the rest of that cookie with your slobber all over it…
While I love my family, they certainly aren’t exempt from my perfectly valid complaints. In fact, they’re some of the worst offenders. But you know, unconditional love and all that…
“Why do bad things happen to good people” is basically my catchphrase. Hell, it’ll probably end up being my last words…
12. I thought nothing could be worse than socks and sandals
Turns out it’s socks and flip flops.
13. When the time varies depending on the appliance
Three minutes may seem inconsequential, but when you’re late for catching that bus, it can make all the difference.
14. When it doesn’t do what it says on the tin
Mixed berries my a**.
Victims of low-key crimes against humanity usually suffer in silence. That is, until people like me give all those wretched souls a voice!
Call me a misanthropic dictator, but why do we let this kind of behavior go unpunished?
15. Is this some sort of sick joke?
One does not simply cut a pizza slice out from the middle.
16. When your ketchup bottle looks like a scene from CSI: Miami
I thought squeezy bottles were made to make things easier.
17. When you basically live in a pigsty
This is why good people have to resort to eating takeout every night of the week.
Living entirely on my own was probably the best decision I ever made. No one to bug me with their loud, overbearing ways, no one to create a mess, no one to yell at… I’m not lonely at all.
18. Poor toothpaste etiquette
People who don’t clear the toothpaste away are just as bad as the morons who forget to flush.
19. You might like burnt toast, the rest of us don’t
Seriously, people who claim to love burnt toast should be more than happy to feed on a plate of embers from the fireplace. Leave my toast alone.
20. I’m on the self-righteous guy’s side
Slamming doors when you live with other people should be a criminal offence.
I used to be one of those people who hung up passive aggressive notes around the home I shared with my friends. Now I have no friends, but continue to write passive aggressive notes. Purely out of habit of course… And to fill the time.
21. When your roommate’s 10 million toiletries couldn’t fit on the shelf so she shoves it in the sink
How about we put these in the trashcan, Louise?
22. People who clog the drain with their hair
The plumber was here just last week!
23. There’s a special place in hell for inconsiderate roommates
Must you burst my eardrums every time I attempt to get some shut-eye?
It’s not just people who you live with that have an unnerving ability to irritate the cr*p out of you – sometimes people just minding their own business on the street can send you over the edge. If their idea of minding their own business violates my list of reasonable behaviors.
24. People who Instagram their basic AF food
No one cared about your food when it was on your plate, and they certainly don’t care about it now.
25. People who have the nerve to fall asleep on you on the subway
Do I look like a pillow?
26. Couples who feel the need to showcase their love all over social media
Get a room, lock yourselves in it, and never leave.
While some of the things on this list aren’t so much annoying as none of my business, I can’t help but dislike people who do things any differently to how I would do them.
27. Why do parents insist on bringing their kids on vacation
Do you think they’d appreciate the culture, the scenery, the weather?
28. This is why I watch movies all alone in my room
Why do people have to spoil everything?
29. There was one in every class
Even the bell couldn’t save us…
30. When people with more than 10 items use the express lane
The express lane is a total myth.
So, there we have it; 30 incredibly grating human behaviors that are totally crimes against humanity. Now, don’t get me wrong, I know I’m not the most reasonable of people, but even I know that these everyday, first world problems are annoying as f*ck. But you know what they say: a problem shared is a problem halved. Yeah right…