I am firmly of the belief that if you have a sister, then you have a special level of patience that very few people in the world have. As well as having the patience of a saint, you must also be incredibly crafty to ensure that none of your worldly possessions end up in your sister’s room and none of your clothes end up in her wardrobe.
Having a sister can be trying at times. The way I see it, you have to go through seemingly endless pain in order to become friends with your sister but once you make it, all the arguments seem worth it. If you have a sister already, well done for making it this far. If you’ve never had a sister, read on about the 18 years of pain you managed to avoid.
1. When someone tells you that “your sister is better looking than you”
Top tip: to prepare yourself for this scenario, create a list of the worst things she’s ever done. This proves that although she is hot, she’s also a d*ck. Alternatively, look the person up and down and say: “Ah, that’s sweet you think she’d be interested in you”. It’s like a protective “f*ck you”.
2. When you work out how to subtly annoy your sibling without your parents noticing
Suggestion: make her life more difficult by hiding a different personal possession of hers every day. Guaranteed to mightily piss her off.
3. When you’re searching through your sister’s room and you hear her coming up the stairs
Yes, you’ll feel like you’re Indiana Jones when he steals the crystal skull from the haunted cave. It’s a high risk, high reward situation. Plus, she has so many things that she totally won’t miss her denim jacket, right?
4. When you attempt to leave the house wearing her shirt
This is only something that the brave and reckless will do, and it can often result in shouting, a grumpy sibling and passive-aggressive Facebook comments on your pictures until you return it. This is only worth the hassle if you receive at least five compliments from your friends.
5. And when she attempts to leave the house wearing your shirt
You’ve got a list of passive-aggressive comments at the ready, your insults have been drafted and your grumpy face is primed and ready. All hell is about to break loose and you’re leading the charge. Your sister won’t even know what hit her.
6. When you come back in the room and she’s sitting in your seat
I sat in my sister’s seat on the sofa once and she subsequently called me a b*tch, threw me off the sofa and revoked my remote control usage for the rest of the day. Be warned, plucky siblings – it might not end well.
7. When you call shotgun for the front seat
Fun fact: children will never move faster than when there’s a competition for the front seat. Sitting in the front seat is a moral victory for the winning child, and if you win, you’re allowed to choose how loud the radio (aka the sweet sound of victory) is.
8. When your parents agree with your side of the argument
There is nothing more glorious than winning the world’s pettiest argument and your parents agreeing with you. It’s rare, but oh, so worth it. Relish it, and be sure to brag about it to your sister at any given moment.
9. When you disagree about what TV programme to watch
My sister’s stubborn nature meant that I watched a lot more Nickelodeon than I would like to admit. This also meant that I could watch Rugrats under the pretence that my sister wanted to. It wasn’t all bad!
10. When a fight gets physical
Sticks and stones may break your bones, but words will never hurt as much as the pain of your sibling’s fingernails digging into your arm when you refuse to give them the remote control.
11. When she persuades your parents that she’s the innocent one
When they put on the waterworks, and their lip starts to tremble, you know that they are going to get away with it. All you can do is silently seeth with anger and plot your revenge.
12. When your parents give you the responsibility of looking after your sister
A decision that any parent will almost always regret, giving a child responsibility is a questionable idea. Giving a child responsibility over their sister is an idea which should never be considered in the first place.
13. When she subtly snitches on you to your parents
This is the ultimate betrayal. Sure you stole your sister’s Netflix password and used it when she wanted to watch Suits but this will never come close to your sibling snitching on you to your parents.
14. When you have to hug it out after a fight, even though all you feel is pure hatred
No child will ever want to hug their sibling after a fight, and no parent seems to understand this. Don’t you get it? She told my friend that I still check under my bed for monsters.
15. When you know who took all the hot water
Yes, it may be disgusting but I don’t know any girl who doesn’t do this. It’s like a dog marking its territory, but it also means you know who took all the hot water. Detective work at its finest.
16. The feeling of knowing that you’re the favourite child for one day
Remember when you cleaned your room without asking? The reward of being “favourite child” is an accolade that will stay with you until your sibling one-up’s you and you’re resigned to being the lesser child.
17. When you are constantly antagonising each other
My childhood was full of tantrums and scowling, thanks to my sister stropping about the fact that she couldn’t watch Fairly Odd Parents on repeat.
As a girl who grew up with an annoying little sister the most unrealistic thing about Frozen is how Elsa never tried to kill Anna on purpose
— OhNoSheTwitnt (@OhNoSheTwitnt) 14 January 2015
18. But you realise there’s no one else in the world you’d rather annoy
As much as you live to annoy her, there’s no one else that you’d rather annoy. You know that she’s always got your back, and that’s the kind of person you want around.
It may be stating the obvious, but having a sibling completely changes your childhood. Gone are the days of your parents’ undivided attention, and in its place, an eighteen-year war of words, attention-seeking behaviour and strops. It’s almost too easy to moan about your sibling stealing your clothes again, or never giving you petrol money. Take a minute to think about life without your sister, though. Yes, you will know where all your clothes are and yes, you won’t have to worry about petrol money. You won’t however, have anyone to practice your razor-sharp wit on, nor will you have anyone’s clothes to steal and you definitely won’t have a sibling who will sing along to the radio as loudly as you do.