18. Valentino, $638
For this low price, you can be on the receiving end of “have you guys seen Dave?” and “where’d he go?” jokes for all of eternity
17. Gucci, $666
For only $500 more, they’ll throw in the Sherlock Holmes hat and Harry Potter glasses!
16. Valentino, $734
Only $734 to look like you’re wearing cargo shorts on your torso? What a steal!
15. Alexander McQueen, $750
The beading is impressive, but doesn’t a grunge and anti-establishment icon like a skull being retailed to the rich and famous seem a bit ironic?
14. Label Under Construction, $766
When people tell you you’re crazy for buying this plain black t-shirt for $766 you can snap back with, “It’s a silk and cashmere blend, okay mom?!”
13. Moschino, $846
This is just a silly one. The person who buys this is paper bag-inspired shirt is clearly just spending someone else’s money as revenge
12. Armani, $850
Nobody should be buying a flesh-colored t-shirt to begin with, but this price tag brings this shirt to new heights of absurdity
11. Emporio Armani, $977
This looks like an 8th grader’s experimental phase with photography blown up and printed onto a t-shirt
10. Versace, $981
To be fair, this is a wicked design. But $1,000 could buy around 140 Chipotle burritos, so you decide what’s more valuable
9. Balmain, $1,009
This shirt looks like it was either found by a pack of rabid raccoons or taken from the set of Mean Girls
8. Valentino, $1,107
If I wanted to spend one thousand dollars to be covered in bugs I could’ve just gone glamping (or glamorous camping, for the ill informed)
7. Dolce & Gabbana, $1,144
Oh wow. Now that’s an outfit
6. Gucci, $1,191
Forever 21 would sell you about a million cat-related t-shirts for this price
5. Valentino, $1,471
Just in time for the new Game of Thrones season, perhaps?
4. Versace, $1,543
Considering the price, I genuinely hope that is real gold
3. Balmain, $1,649
Ok, this one is embellished with crystals, but it still looks like the shirt I bought from Limited Too when I was ten years old that had “DIVA” bedazzled onto it
2. Givenchy, $2,093
A perfect gift for someone who enjoys sweating and chafing in stiff leather t-shirts all day!
1. Brunello Cucinelli, $2,425
And for the low price of (multiple) months rent, you can look like a real-life Charlie BrownLet’s be honest, we can make fun of the people who buy these shirts all we want, but I’d personally love to be in a position to buy one of these one day. I just truly hope that my inner sanity would kick in if I even thought about dropping that amount of cash on a tee, and I’d remember my humble beginnings. For now, I’ll just keep on ignoring the unidentified stains on the only size-medium shirt left in the sales section of H&M.