Ahhh roommates, what a strange phenomenon. It’s a sad reflection of the housing crisis that major cities are experiencing at the moment, that the majority of us end up shacked up in four-bed houses, with no living room and a bunch of strangers. Excluding heading off to college, a third of Millennials have moved more than three times before the age of 30 and that doesn’t show any signs of slowing down, as the price of both renting and buying drive young people to move to more affordable areas.
Living with roommates can be tough, or it can be utterly hilarious. Sometimes you will lock horns and everything that they do ends up winding you up, or you can become best buds and the whole thing runs perfectly. If you have ever lived in a houseshare then this list is for you. Below, you will see every type of roommate you will come across during your time on earth.
1. The person who is never there
You live with this person, but they are literally never in the house, apart from that one time when you ran into them on the landing and were convinced they were a burglar.
2. The controller
The controller is likely to want to pay every single bill you get, so that they can claim cashback and will continuously send around texts in the house group chat stating: “Guys, seriously, I went into the kitchen this morning and I thought I had entered a warzone. There was a knife next to the sink and some crumbs on the countertop, can we PLEASE try harder.”
3. The clean freak
“Ahhh, what is that smell? Oh yes, just the lovely whiff of bleach burning through our synthetic carpet, I guess that means Jasmine is home!” The clean freak will douse your house in so much chemical formula that the inside of your nose will burn off and the house will become a health hazard due to toxic fumes.
4. The person who just survives
Right, this person is absolutely insane. They survive on a diet that purely consists of biscuits and water, but for some reason they’re never ill.
5. The one who loves a one night stand
It’s a Sunday morning, which means you have a new housemate for the day. It becomes a weekly thing that you are joined for breakfast by a new guy/girl, who you will never see again but for the four hours you were together, it was a truly magical friendship.
6. The serial dater
Honestly, this person is either incredibly smart or really stupid. The serial dater goes one of two ways: they either eat for free three nights of the week, or spend £150 on dates every week and end up crying in their room… alone and poor.
7. The person who tries to turn the house into a home
“C’mon guys, a couple of houseplants and a poster of an Audrey Hepburn quote, and this place will look completely different!” No it won’t, Jess, there is still damp on the wall, and the house smells of bleach thanks to Jasmine.
8. The couple
Always a bit awkward, isn’t it? In between raging domestics about whose turn it was to cook and loud make-up sex, living with a couple can be alright, but for the majority of the time it’s a right nuisance.
9. The PhD Student
They exist in every house share, and for some reason they’re always Canadian. The PhD student tends to be the nicest person in the house, they are insanely easy to get on with and take an interest in what everyone else is doing. However, do not ask them about what they’re working on, because you won’t get out of it alive.
10. The gamer
It’s 3am, and you wake up in a sleepy haze. There’s a bright green glow in the hallway. “This is it” you think, “the aliens have finally invaded.” Except it’s not aliens, is it? It’s Craig playing Halo while stuffing cheese puffs in his face and telling some kid in Kurdistan that he’s going to kill his mom.
11. The chef
“But guys, there are TWO cumin shakers in the spice rack” says Harry, who is carrying a blue bag full of packets of various different chillies and powders. “I’m trying to make a tagine from scratch, and you guys are really messing up my creative space.” What Harry doesn’t realise is that he cannot cook and his tagine ends up tasting like tomato with a heap of cinnamon. But you’ll tell him it’s nice, won’t you?
12. The teacher
These guys love to ask you how your day was, just because they want you to ask them back. The teachers love telling people they’re teachers, and how hard the job is: “We don’t finish at 3pm, actually!” However, come Friday evening, the teacher will completely lose their mind in a cloud of beer, cocaine and tequila shots.
13. The Environmentalist
“Guys, stop throwing out your avocado seeds, we can grow a tree from them!” says Elsa, not realising that you will have moved out by the time the tree grows. The environmentalist will try and create a garden in the kitchen, and will regularly route through the bins to ensure everything is being put in the correct ones.
14. The person who has just been dumped
“Honestly, it’s fine, I’m over it ha ha ha,” says the new edition to the household. You found them on Spareroom, and they seemed slightly overly keen to move on ASAP. They seem like they’re fine, but one night at exactly 1:47am, you hear them listening to Eamon and Frankee while guzzling a bottle of Pinot Grigio.
15. The strange hobby guy
“So, guys” says Felix, “I’ve been thinking and I think I want to start making guitars from scratch!” Felix can’t really play guitar; he can kind of plonk out Seven Nation Army and that’s about it. However, that doesn’t stop him, and suddenly your garden shed is lit up throughout the night with Felix hammering and drilling and eventually emerging with what looks like a tissue box with a toilet roll attached. “I reckon I could get a couple of hundred for this”, he says. Good luck with that, Felix.
16. The person who hasn’t really moved in
Hannah has lived with you for a year, yet her room is basically empty. Apart from her bed, a set of draws and a clothing rail, Hannah keeps the rest of her belongings in a series of bags and boxes which are placed strategically around the house. She keeps saying that she will unpack one day, but you know that when the opportunity arises, Hannah will be leaving your house as soon as she can.
17. The work from home person
Usually a journalist, or some form of accountant, the work from home person is a strange being. Constantly telling you how great it is to work from home, you question why whenever you walk through the door, they follow you around the house like an excited puppy. Speaking of puppies, due to the fact that they work from home, this person can get a dog, so they could actually become the best roommate of all time.
There we have it, the 17 roommates we will all encounter across the course of our lives. Some of this lot you won’t get on with, others you will, that’s just how it goes. If you want to see more roommate themed content, why not check out this roommate, who played a savage prank on his friend after he had asked him to clean his room.