1. Using your dating app while on the toilet
You sit there for extended periods of time, just swiping left and right and wondering, ‘what if I meet my future spouse on this right now? At our wedding will I tell everyone that I first saw her face while taking a poop?’
2. Overreacting when you accidentally swipe left on someone you meant to swipe right on
You have a ridiculously dramatic sense of regret the moment after your finger slips, and you wonder… were they ‘the one’?
3. Blatantly lying on your profile by saying that you “love travelling”
Maybe you do love travelling, but you also haven’t left your country of residence in years and have barely even left your home in the past few days.
4. Swiping right on someone who has swiped left on you before
You do this in the hopes that they’ll swipe right this time and confirm your secret suspicion that you’ve recently undergone a beautiful transformation.
5. Feeling sad when someone ghosts you, but still doing the same thing to others
You feel extremely insecure and uninteresting when someone stops responding to you mid-conversation, but do the same to others when you’re tired, or a really good episode of South Park was on and you couldn’t be bothered.
6. Trying to Google someone in the hopes of finding their Facebook
And being unreasonably upset and shocked when the vague search for “Chris, New York, marketing” doesn’t yield any helpful results.
7. Using a profile picture that is way too old
You might feel bad that the picture in your profile is from literally three years ago and is not representative of how you currently look at all, but you also don’t feel nearly guilty enough to change it.
8. Taking screenshots of every picture you match has and sending them to friends
You flood your group chat with the five pictures his profile offers so they can analyse him, saying things like “See, in this one he’s with his little brother which is cute, but in this one he’s wearing flip flops so…”
9. Avoiding using dating apps on a Friday so as not to seem lame
You want people to think you’re out doing wild and crazy things on a Friday night, not laying in bed with a bowl of pasta and your third episode of GOT, wondering if you’ll ever find love.
10. Trying to hide your phone while using dating apps in public
You pull your phone in absurdly close to your face so the strangers next to you can’t watch you play this weird game of love on your handheld device.
11. Expanding your mile radius when you run out of matches
But then becoming unreasonably upset when you match with someone who lives miles away, eventually deciding that you’ll probably never see them.
12. Using the same opening line for every single match
You don’t do this because you’re an a**hole (although it does sound kind of bad), you do this because that one line never fails to be the perfect conversations starter and you gotta do what you gotta do.
13. Revisiting your date’s profile a few minutes before you go to meet them in person
Because let’s be honest, you’ve completely forgotten all of the details about them and don’t want to blank on their name mid-greeting.
14. Texting all of your friends the details when your date goes to the bathroom
You move your thumbs at a rate unknown to man, trying to send out every detail that you possibly can before your date returns and finds out you’ve been gossiping about them.
15. Getting mad if they don’t reach out for a second date
You get inexplicably mad at the rejection, even though you have ghastly different views on healthcare, she hates dogs, and her favourite movie is National Treasure.
16. Deleting all of your dating apps in a fit of “I’m too good to deal with this crap anymore”
But then re-downloading them within minutes once you realise how hard it is to find love in the modern day and you’d prefer to just keep swiping until you find your future wife/husband.Although it’s easy to be sceptical about the effectiveness of dating apps, it’s hard to deny that they work at least sometimes. I mean, people are getting married now who met on Tinder. That’s pretty impressive, so I suppose we’ll all go on using them in the hopes that we’ll become one of those lucky people one day… until then, bring on the awkward dates!