We all know that Valentine’s Day is simply a commercial holiday which directly benefits manufacturers of chocolate, stuffed teddy bears, and sleazy lingerie, but despite that, we all blindly celebrate the Hallmark holiday.
You may say that Valentine’s Day is not an important day for you, but do you really mean it? Sure, it’s ludicrous that we have to have an allotted day in which you prove your love to someone else, when there are 364 other perfectly good days when you can do it (for a fraction of the price). Sure, it’s crazy to believe that a box of cheap chocolates and a wilted rose can signify your affections for someone.
In 2016, Valentine’s Day spending in the US alone was estimated to be $19.7 billion, even though only 55% of the country is thought to celebrate the date. An average person will fork out $150 on their partner on February 14, making it only minorly less expensive than Christmas. So with that in mind, you really should be thankful to be single.
If the staggering expense of Valentine’s Day isn’t enough to make you grateful to be single, then the following horror stories from Reddit may just do the trick…
1. Dance drama
“Freshman year of highschool a girl I had a huge crush on agreed to go to Winter Ball with me (basically semi-formal dance in winter). We walk inside, she immediately ditches me and even tells me she only went with me for the free ticket (like $35 each) and proceeds to start making out with a random senior she’d never met from a neighboring school who came as someone else’s date.”
“Sophomore year of high school. My boyfriend shows up to school with a rose so I start beaming and run up to him to give him a kiss. He stops me in my tracks and says ‘we have to talk.’ Turns out he brought the rose for a different girl.”
3. Love is love
“The valentines I realized that the valentines cards I had been receiving from my secret admirer for years were in fact from my parents.”
4. Bad news
“In high school I was crazy about this one girl. But she had a boyfriend, so I stayed firmly in the ‘trusted friend’ category. Well, early February comes around, and she breaks up with her boyfriend! We plan to meet up for dinner a day or two before Valentine’s day. I’m stoked, I buy her a Valentine’s day Teddy Bear, and I’m seriously gonna ask her out, tell her my feelings, etc. Well I pull up to her house, and she comes out, and the first thing she says to me is ‘Me and my boyfriend got back together, aren’t you happy!!’ That. Sucked.”
“In sixth grade I had a crush on a girl and I wanted to send her a rose (something the school did) but, I didn’t want her to know it was me (my handwriting is incredibly distinguishable and I was really shy) so I paid one of my friends a dollar to write her name and ‘Happy Valentines Day, From Your Secret Admirer’ on the card. He went to the desk set up at lunch and turned in the card. Everyone at my lunch table (I should have mentioned this took place during lunch) watched as one of the teachers delivered the card to Lauren.
We continued to watch as she smiled and giggled with her friends, she then jumped up and ran to the desk where they were selling the card/roses wrote some stuff down and then ran back to her table. A few moments later, the teacher got up and walked over to my table, she gave a card to my friend, (that I paid to write the note) It was from Lauren, she had recognized his handwriting, and wanted to go on a date. He got up and went to her table and accepted the offer. Jackass.”
6. Debt and a date
“Went out on a blind date with this girl for coffee. During that time, she let me know that she thought she had a learning disability, that she had fetal alcohol syndrome, that she desperately wanted somebody to take care of her and that she owed about $25,000 for several credit cards and unpaid bills. I couldn’t get out of there fast enough.”
7. Cheap, but not cheerful
“[He] took me to a crappy Italian restaurant and then we went to see Transformers 2…using the gift cards his mom got from work.”
8. Who’s the Daddy?
“I was deployed during Valentine’s Day, and when I came back…my wife was pregnant. Turns out the estimated conception date was Feb. 14th. Needless to say, we aren’t married anymore.”
9. That’s cold
“First valentines day I had a boyfriend he dumped me. Only he didn’t even do the dumping, but made my friend tell me when i arrived to meet him with his gift.”
Perhaps Valentine’s Day isn’t worth it, but love is out there. In fact, talking of love, did you know that Love Actually 2 is coming? Watch the trailer for some instant nostalgia…
10. Box of problems
“A friend of mine had been in a relationship with this girl for a few months when she went to work a summer job in British Columbia (we live in Ontario so this is the other side of the continent). He is a pretty messy guy and doesn’t always think things through. His girlfriend is really into fresh produce so he thought it would be nice to send her some as a little surprise. So he went to the farmers market and got a few different types of fresh organic vegetables which he proceeded to send by mail. While he was putting the package together he found a pair of panties in his room behind his bed and thought he might as well return his girlfriend her underwear since he was already sending a package. So off the package goes. By regular post…
So a full two weeks later the package arrives and his girlfriend opens it. Inside she finds an assortment of rotting vegetables and a pair of panties that do not belong to her. Turns out my friend hadn’t cleaned his room (or at least behind his bed) since he was seeing another woman. His girlfriend has no idea how to take this – is it some sort of message? They cleared things up in the end but I still like to bring this story up for a laugh now and then.”
11. May the force be with you
“He made me go see Star Wars even after I told him I hate Star Wars. That isn’t even the worst part, I would have gladly managed [to sit] through it seeing as it was a new movie….but he had his mother come with us and sit in between us. I was 21 and he as 23.”
12. Family affair
“For my first Valentines day in a relationship, I was over at the ex’s and when his mom came home, I got flowers and chocolate… He was 26 and had a car, yet got his mother to get my valentine’s gift. The following year it was his sister that picked out the necklace he gave me.”
13. Date dilemma
“It was our second date, and we were out to have a nice romantic dinner. Right before the food comes, some guy approaches the table and says ‘Who the fuck is this?’ Turns out, she didn’t tell me that she had a boyfriend (who had been sitting at the bar). I apologized to the guy and left her with the bill.”
14. Teacher trouble
“In 6th grade i asked a girl in my class out on valentine’s day, before she could answer, my female teacher said quite loudly ‘HA, your not going to go out with that loser are you’ (she might have been joking but it didn’t sound like it). the girl i asked out went from having a smile on her face, to a dissapointed look. she then turn to my tearcher and said ‘no’, while i made the walk of shame back to my desk…”
15. Thanks for that
“I was once dumped on Valentine’s Day, in a text message, sent from a borrowed cell phone, by a guy who had made a huge deal multiple times about how his mom had always raised him to be a gentleman.”