Boners. Right, where do we begin? I am a female who obviously doesn’t know what it’s like to have a pen15 nor can I fathom the sheer embarrassment that a little boy has to face when he pops one unexpectedly in a very inappropriate setting.
I suppose about half of the world’s population can relate to that – and thus why I am bolding approaching the subject like a mature adult. (he-he, boners!!!)
Now just because you’re grown up now doesn’t mean they’re not an inconvenience anymore. I know what it’s like to wake up to something poking my butt – and it’s not pleasant for either of us (sorry, guys).
So just incase you’re out one day enjoying the sunshine and suddenly get a hard-on or you wake up, dying to pee, and you can’t tame your shlong or don’t want to bother the Mrs in the morning – here are some handy ways to get rid of a boner in minimal amount of time.
1.Flex your thigh muscles for 30 seconds
By doing this, you’re redirecting the blood from your rod to other parts of the body that need it.
2. Pinch your skin
If you focus on pinching your skin with your nail it’ll help take your mental focus on what’s happening below and move concentration to the pain.
3. Focus on something else
I’ve seen it in so many movies and TV shows – just think of something totally un-sexy, like a car accident. Gone?
4. Hold your breath
Do it for as long as you can without passing out. The lack of oxygen will redirect the blood as it goes into survival mode.
5. Sit down or go to the restroom
If you’re able to sit down, preferably behind a desk, the better it’ll be for you. If you don’t have a desk, then cross your legs so your pants make a natural-looking bulge. Try not stand facing sideways near anyone. If all else fails, try get to a restroom until you’re in the clear.
6. Tuck it into your belt
This probably hasn’t been applicable to you since your teen years – but still a goodie! Hide it real well.
7. Go for a walk
Walking will also move the blood to other areas of the body, and seeing as your man-part doesn’t need to be filled with blood for survival, walking will get it all moving accordingly.
8. Put some ice down your pants/use cold water
Cold will constrict the blood vessels down there and thus, leave it limp, long and lovely as ever before.
9. If all else fails…
If you’re alone, turned on and have the time – just go for it, then. No one is judging you – except ceiling cat, that is.
I suppose the best possibly outcome of all of the above would be just to have sex but not all of us have that luxury, especially if we’re popping boners all over town. What’s attractive about that? Boners are a serious mind-fuck!