Today is International Happiness Day. It seems pretty weird that we have a day devoted to happiness. As with any occasion like this one, you can bet your boots that social media will be inundated with smug posts about people being cheerful and grateful… and on a Monday, no less!
So if you’re a grumpy person and you’re not in the mood for all this levity, we have some news stories that will definitely cheer you up again. These are the people who haven’t been having such a happy time of it. The people who, through bad luck or their own stupidity, are having a much worse International Happiness Day than you are.
1. The man who had his penis ring removed
A man in Dublin has been saved from having his penis strangulated after enduring a gruelling operation with an angle grinder. After several painful hours with a titanium ring stuck on his penis, the man, (who has not been named), went to Accident and Emergency in Mater University Hospital to have the metal ring removed from his member. His case has now been added to the Irish Medical Journal. It’s unknown what the man did to get the sex toy trapped on his genitals, but surgeons needed 20 minutes and an angle grinder to remove it.
2. The woman whose daughter threw cheeseburgers at her
This week Indianapolis police were called to a McDonald’s to apprehend a 39-year-old woman who was assaulting her mother with cheeseburgers. The police found the 60-year-old woman in the restaurant, covered in ketchup, mustard and pickles. The elderly woman stated that her daughter had been arguing with her and police are now looking for the daughter after she fled the scene in a separate car.
3. The engineer named Saddam Hussain
Unfortunately-named marine engineer Saddam Hussein has fought in court this week to legally change his name to Sajid. The fact that Hussain (almost) shares his name with the late Iraqi dictator means that getting employed has been tricky for him. Hussain has been rejected for over 40 jobs. “People are scared to hire me,” he stated in an interview with the Hindustan Times.
4. The man who flew 4km with helium balloons and a lawn chair
This week Daniel Boria has been fined $265,000 after flying more than four kilometres into the sky above Calgary, Alberta, back in 2015. The 27-year-old was charged with the dangerous operation of an aircraft, after tying over 100 helium balloons to a lawn chair and floating into commercial airspace. Defending his actions, Boria stated: “Why climb the highest mountain? … I chose to fly a chair; not because it is easy but because it is hard. Because that goal served to organise and measure the best of our energies and skills.”
5. Donald Trump Jr’s awkward photoshoot
This week, a photograph of Donald Trump Jr, eldest son of President Trump, exploded online. The unflattering image was taken by a New York Times photographer and safe to say, looking at it objectively, it isn’t doing Donald Jr any favours. It quickly became memetic and has been Photoshopped numerous times.
6. The man who attacked a crocodile to impress a girl
Australian teenager Lee de Paauw suffered extensive injuries to his left arm after he leapt into the croc-infested waters of the Johnstone River in Northern Queensland. The 18-year-old was staying at a hostel in the town of Innisfail and bragged to friends that he could swim through the river unharmed – in order to win the heart of 24-year-old Sophie Paterson. Sophie dared Lee to swim in the river, but never believed that he would actually go through with the foolhardy feat. Paramedic Neil Noble stated: “He’s very fortunate that he survived this incident and was able to be rescued.”
7. The Vancouver pub that poured the worst pint of Guinness
Dan Olson, owner of the Railtown Cafe in Vancouver, was inundated with calls, messages and emails from angry Irish people after posting an image of a pint of Guinness on his cafe’s Facebook page. The complainers were outraged that the pint featured in the image had been filled to the brim and was overflowing, with no head of froth. The Irish Independent newspaper called the pint “sacrilegious,” while the Irish Mirror claimed it “caused Irish people everywhere to grimace in disgust.”
8. The raccoon used in an erotic video
A Russian zoo is suing a video studio that hired one of their raccoons to featured in an “erotic” video. Zoo spokesperson Viktor Kiryukhin stated that the raccoon, named Thomas, was a changed animal when he returned from the studio and “was attracted to women’s breasts”. Film studio Art-Msk made a deal with the Moscow zoo in August 2016 to use Thomas in a commercial with a naked model. However, the raccoon’s behaviour has since unnerved female staff at the zoo, which is now seeking damages.
9. Kellyanne Conway’s microwave gaffe
Donald Trump’s senior aide Kellyanne Conway has been mocked widely after she suggested that former President Barack Obama could have monitored the incumbent President via surveillance hidden inside a microwave. But it’s not just microwaves she’s worried about. “What I can say is there are many ways to surveil each other,” she stated. “You can surveil someone through their phones, certainly through their television sets – any number of different ways.”
10. The man trapped in a toilet for four hours
Firefighters were called to the Glenmall Place public toilets in the suburb of Glen Eden, Auckland, to rescue a man who had managed to get himself trapped inside for four hours. The man, who has not been named, was rescued after calling for help, alerting a member of the public who then called the fire service. Emergency services were able to rescue the man moments after arriving.
11. The robber who broke his leg, called for help and was arrested
Leoul Yosef, a 21-year-old burglar, foiled his own robbery when he attempted to leap from the balcony of the house when the owner of the house came home. Yosef broke his leg when he landed heavily in the back yard, screaming and alerting the occupant of the house, before fleeing the scene. Upon arrival at the scene of the disturbance, authorities received a 911 call from a man claiming that he’d broken his leg. Officers then determined that the identity of the caller was the same as the robbery suspect and apprehended him.
12. The lawyer whose pants caught fire in court
People often use the phrase “liar liar, pants on fire” without expecting it to literally be true. So you can imagine how shocked the court was when the pants of Miami defence lawyer Stephen Gutierrez burst into flames as he began his closing arguments in front of a jury. To add insult to injury, the sudden combustion occurred when Gutierrez was arguing in an arson case. He was about to address the jury when smoke began billowing out of his right pocket, forcing him to rush out of the courtroom. He returned moments later with a singed behind and a sheepish expression. The blame apparently lies with a faulty e-cigarette.
I guess this goes to show that no matter how bad things get, they could always get worse. But these aren’t the only examples of unlucky people who have suffered misfortune. There are plenty of others out there who are having a much worse day than you.