1. Aloe Vera Juice
Aloe vera juice is a fairly new phenomenon, and is apparently good for your skin, immune system, digestion, and more. Unfortunately, it tastes like someone added 12 packets of sugar to diluted drain cleaner.
Wheatgrass shots took every juice and smoothie shop by storm, boasting of cancer-preventing powers that come from its high levels of magnesium, calcium, and other vitamins. And if you enjoy the flavour one gets from chewing on freshly mowed lawns, then this is certainly the drink for you.
3. Chia Seed Drinks
Chia seeds are known for their energy-boosting properties, and supposedly once kept Aztec warriors full for 24 hours in a row. It’s too bad that when you put them in a liquid it tastes (and looks) like you’re drinking pulpy bug water.
4. Chlorophyll Drink
Yes, chlorophyll is that dark green pigment found in plants that you remember learning about in the 8th grade. As it is essential for photosynthesis, when drank diluted with water, it apparently improves oxygen flow and increases energy. It also tastes like pool chlorine that dirty children have been swimming in all day.
5. Apple Cider Vinegar
Apple cider vinegar is know for its ability to improve weight loss and lower blood sugar levels. The vinegar is too strong to be drank on its own, so it is usually diluted with water, although this does little to mask the taste of rotting acid that one experiences on the first gulp.
6. Coconut Water
Coconut water has often been hailed the king of health drinks, with its high level of electrolytes making it the perfect hangover cure. Unfortunately, there is nothing more unappealing than the idea of having to drink this while hungover, as its flavor resembles that of diluted sweat that has been sweetened with aspartame.
7. Beet Juice
Beet juice is known for lowering blood pressure and increasing stamina, which is all well and good, until you remember what beets taste like. The vegetable itself is not the worst thing in the world, but when liquified it mostly tastes like bitter dirt-water that has been bottled from the bottom of a polluted lake.
8. Lemon Water with Cayenne Pepper
This mixture has long been used as a detox juice, although why anyone would choose this over food is beyond me. While it’s packed with antioxidants and is good for digestion, this mixture tastes like spiced acid that will surely burn all that is good and wholesome inside your body.
9. Kale juice
Kale, go away. This all-too-talked-about vegetable is known for being basically a godsend for the human body, and someone has taken it one step further and put into juice form. But there’s no getting around it this time, health gurus, this genuinely tastes like a fistful of dirt.
Kombucha is the favorite fermented tea drink of all hipsters, and is commended for its high levels of B vitamins and probiotics. What the food blogs don’t mention, though, is that it tastes like sour toilet water.There you have it, folks. You can keep drinking all of the pressed juices and fermented teas you want, but it’s important that we don’t all partake in the same BS by calling these drinks “delicious”. Honesty is the best policy after all, right?